


The Birthday Surprise Pt. 2

by BetweenBlackandWhite



Category: Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-03
Updated: 2019-01-03
Packaged: 2019-10-03 08:45:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17280854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BetweenBlackandWhite/pseuds/BetweenBlackandWhite
Summary: A short sequel to my story "The Birthday Surprise"





	The Birthday Surprise Pt. 2

When Nick woke up the next morning, he had a dry mouth. He coughed, sat up and looked around. The room seemed empty and cold. His mouth formed into a shy smile. His fingers stuck his hair behind his ears. The whole thing was just too surreal. He had slept on the couch, just covered by a thin blanket and even though he was cold, there was a strange warmth in him. "You get too old for something like that," he whispered, got up and took his jacket. The thought of the past night made him laugh out loud. Tired, he put one foot in front of the other. His shoes made a quiet noise as he ran over the tiles. The world he lived in had become even stranger. Maybe they shouldn't have reawakened the ghosts of the past, but it felt right. The first time it seemed work between them, without sadness and pain. In the kitchen, Nick took a glass from the cupboard and filled it with water from the tap. Like after a long hike through the desert, he drank it in one go. 

A shiver drove through his body. His gaze fell on a handwritten note on the kitchen counter. Nick saw from the corner of his eye while he drank, but almost dared not look closer. The warmth in him already disappeared before he could read what was on the note. It was the same game. The damn game that never ended. He had the hope it would have ended, but someone else seemed to want to keep playing it. He carefully put the glass on the cold marble. His eyes fixed the note. He didn't want the words to move him. Nevertheless, it hit him like a punch in the heart. He took the note in his hand and he read the words again: When things break, it's not the break that prevents them from getting back together. That's because a small piece is lost-the two remaining ends couldn't match up even if they wanted to. The whole shape has changed. Nick shook his head, crumpled the note and put it in his pocket. For a moment, he just stopped. All words disappeared. It was almost as if he disappeared himself. Part of him just wanted to become invisible. Again, there was the same old feeling of shame. The cruellest feeling that he had ever felt: How could he love so much what someone else hated so much. After staring outside for a moment, he allowed the anger to rise in him. He had his life under control and no longer wanted to be misled by an old stubborn man. It may have all made sense at the time, but now no more. He wasn't a little kid. Furious, he walked into the hallway. The house was quieter than a cemetery at midnight. "Blixa?", shouted Nick. He walked up the stairs and stopped. „Blixa?", but he still got no answer. Blixa had made his way, as always. Even from his own home, he had fled to avoid the morning after. How could a human being be so strange?

Nick hesitantly walked toward a door at the end of the hall. His hands touched it slightly, so it would open. He glanced into the bedroom and saw an unmade bed. Nick felt like a little boy who had secretly sneaked into his parents' bedroom after they had left the house. He had no authority to be there, but still he kept walking towards the bed. He finally wanted to understand him, finally see the world with his eyes, but Blixa would always remain a strange being. Nick was convinced that at some point he would find out that Blixa indeed came from another planet. Carefully, he stepped closer to the bed and sat down. His hand drove over the soft fabric of the duvet. That was his world. A world in which he did not grant admission to, except to his family. The hand wandered on to the pillow. Here he lay every night, dreaming of the stars, of distant galaxies that understood him better than he himself. He couldn't help him understand himself better, but how could anyone ever. Maybe for that reason he was so strict with everything. It probably helped him create some order in chaos. Nick's gaze fell on a notebook next to The bed. He reached for it, looked at it for a long time and put it away again. Blixas diary wasn’t anybody’s business. Nick dropped onto the bed and closed his eyes. That same day, he would have to fly back home. As much as he was pleased to be able to leave this city again and return to his refuge, he seemed to be stuck to the bed. It was as if hundreds of hands pushed him down and voices whispered that he should stay. A heart can be broken many times, but still it could beat as if there had never been anything. He wished he could have it all. Blixa, music and his life at home. As he turned his head to the side, he was able to smell Blixa. Carefully, he buried his face in the soft pillow. He had to let go. He finally had to let go. If he didn't do it now, he would just be disappointed over and over again. Nick sat up again, took a pen off the bedside table and took the crumpled note out of his pocket. He put it on the diary and began writing: Last night I dreamed of you and I feel you dreamed of me too. Everything was way too real. We kissed and it tasted like you. I couldn't keep my hands to myself because it felt like you. I buried my face in your hair because it smelled like you. And the weirdest thing was that when a voice said: 'I love you,' it sounded like you. He put the note into the diary and took a deep breath. It was almost like traveling back in time. Only he could no longer do this to his heart. It had become too weak. His world was no longer the same. Nick got up and went down again. Even after he closed the door and called a taxi, he regretted having left the note next to the bed. Why did he continue to play the game? Did he like it, maybe? He had to go back to the hotel to pack his bags.

Back at the hotel, all he wanted to do was to shower and finally leave. With every piece of clothing he put down, he got closer to himself. The protective armor was put down and he felt small. The fabric stroke across the pale skin, exposing his body he just couldn't love. He loved his role, the man he played but not his body in its purest form. He just wanted to go home to be reminded again that he is a creature that can be loved. He stepped into the shower and closed his eyes. The water ran over his face. With his eyes closed, he let the water work its way over the cheeks, lips and chin. Images made their way through his thoughts like ghosts and the first time in years he remembered his voice. He hadn’t heard Blixa for such a long time that his voice just disappeared from his memory. Now, however, he heard him, as if he were Next to him: I wish someone could understand what I am, what I want, who I can be and who I was. The voice was clear. The words hammered through his head like an unwholesome echo. He didn’t know why Blixa had once said these words, but it reminded him why he longed for him. They were both cast in the same mold. They had the same questions and no answers. The warm water enveloped Nicks body like a veil. For a moment, the outside world stopped to exist. There was only him in his shell. He Turned off the warm water. The cold left him with a clearer mind and slowly, the voice disappeared again. Nick took a deep breath and knew that he was still trapped in thoughts on the previous night. He got in the same suit he'd worn the previous day. He didn't care. He had the same dull feeling that had accompanied him for years. He just didn't care. He didn't care about the world, so he wouldn’t feel anything.   
With difficulty, he stuffed his luggage into two suitcases. He didn't care if the expensive suits would get creased. Like a defiant child, he just threw them in one by one, followed by countless shirts. It had been idiotic of him to run after Blixa. Why should things have been different this time? Nick had to get out of Berlin, there were worlds other than this and this one was too cold for him. He had once again been too naïve. Love had always been his greatest mystery. Why did he keep falling into the same trap? It was wrong to assume that he had finally resolved the puzzle of him and Blixa. Nick closed the suitcases and called his driver. As if flushed out of the hotel by a great wave, he ran out of it. Nick covered his tired eyes with his sunglasses. He didn't know if he was sad, angry or just disappointed. Everything in him wanted to grab Blixa and scream in his face, but that wouldn't happen. He wouldn't run after him again. On his way to the airport, he put on headphones and drowned in music. He wouldn't be able to talk to anyone about it and it had always been like that. This was the most difficult thing. The concrete buildings raced past him, one colder than the other. This damn city had torn him apart again. 

At the airport, he escaped to the lounge. Still hiding behind his sunglasses, he didn't notice anything of the outside world through his headphones. He must look just as miserable as he felt, Nick thought, propping his head on his hands. His gaze fell on a pair of black leather shoes that positioned themselves right in front of him. He looked up the long legs and put down his headphones. His heart stopped. "Here you are," said Blixa With a serious face. Nick turned his gaze away. "What do you want, Blixa?", he asked so quietly that you almost couldn't hear it. "Obviously, meeting you," replied Blixa. He sat down next to Nick. After a long silence, Nick put his sunglasses down, put them in his open shirt and turned to Blixa. "Wasn't your letter in the kitchen enough already?", he asked. His eyes pinned Blixa down. "You have to practice interpreting," said Blixa. His face was still serious. Nick laughed mockingly. “Oh, do I? Leave me alone, Blixa." "That's unfortunate." Nick looked at him questioning. “I'm flying to London with you. I was away this morning to organise a few things before I leave," said Blixa. Nick shook his head in disbelief. "I have to go to Brighton, I won't stay in London," Nick said, and couldn't stop himself from thinking how beautiful it would be to spend more days with him. "I'm sure a smart head like you will find a way." "Blixa, I can't do this anymore. I just ran through hell, the new album will be released soon, the documentary … I'm tired. I'm tired, you understand?", Nick said with a trembling voice. "What I wanted to say was that the remaining ends could not match, but now that the shape has changed… they may fit again." Both stared into the room. "There is a Japanese tradition in which broken ceramics are repaired with gold. The broken piece becomes far more valuable after it was broken," added Blixa. Nick put his sunglasses back on. The tear running down his cheek was nonetheless visible. "I'm sorry," whispered Blixa. Nick looked at him in disbelief. Blixa Had never apologized to him. He thought it’ll be a cold day in hell when Blixa apologized to anyone. Blixa stood up. "Come," he said, just walking away. Nick remained where he was. Was he just so caught up in the past that he had expected to get hurt, or did Blixa play the old game again? He didn't know but still followed him, as if he was pulled by an invisible force. 

Blixa disappeared on the toilets. What a cliché, Nick thought, opening the door. Blixa shut it behind him. "If you think I'm in the mood for –" Nick began but stopped as two arms wrapped themselves tightly around him. "Not everyone needs to see that," whispered Blixa under a smile. Nick pulled his arms to his torso and made himself small. "I thought you'd run away again," Nick said quietly, carefully cradling back and forth. Blixa did not answer and instead just looked at him. Blixa reached into Nick's hair. His head fell back and Blixas Lips touched his. It was such a tentative touch that Nick wasn't sure he'd felt it at all. "Why did you do that?", asked Nick in such a quiet voice that it was almost a whisper. Blixa shrugged and suddenly looked less happy and a little more callous. "Because I wanted to," said Blixa. Then their lips touched again. Nick did more than just stop him: He kissed him back.


End file.
